A picture speaks a thousand words. (Ooh watch me now!).

So, as I've mentioned recently, I turn 20 in May. To me this feels very very old. It only feels like two minutes ago that I was 15, it really is scary how fast time seems to go as you get older, when you're younger you always seem to think that you'll live forever. Today's topic is - Age.

I think it's kind of scary how much I've changed over the years. My Nannan still refuses to believe that I'm nearly 20, she laughs when I tell her because she's so convinced that I'm joking. So with this blog, I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane, and also contemplate how much the future still has to hold.

 So this is me as a baby, around 18 months old I think. I mean, come on, how attractive is that face I'm pulling? I am genuinely surprised that I never won any beautiful baby competitions. At least back then I wasn't conscious of how I looked for the photograph, I just wanted to pull a stupid face and hold my hairbrush evidently. Sometimes I think it would be good to be that carefree again but when you're a baby you can shit yourself in public and no one bats an eyelid, so there's my point proven.

And here is me as a toddler. According to my mum, in this picture I'm dancing around the garden to 'Do you love me'. I remember I actually used to love that song, I used to be in fits of laughter at the mashed potato reference in the lyrics. No idea at all why. But up until last year I wouldn't even dance in a nightclub. I also used to adore that Minnie Mouse outfit, even though now on later reflections, I do look like I'm wearing pyjamas. Nice.

And here I am aged 6. This was definitely the start of the bowl fringe days. When I'm a parent I am gonna make sure that my children have nice, unridiculous hair and a decent fashion sense, my Mum however obviously used to dress me up and laugh at me. This is also a rare photo in which I'm smiling. When I got older I became more and more self-conscious of my, what I call, 'ventriloquist-dummy chin'. When I smile my chin forms two lines at either side, making it look like someone could just attach a stick to it, pull it, and I'll be their puppet. I'm also not keen on my teeth, because I think when I smile and bare my teeth I look creepy like a Chucky doll. So my recent photos tend to be me either pouting or looking mardy, even if I'm actually having the time of the life.

So, fast-forward 10 years and here we are on my 16th birthday. Gone are the days of happy, smiley photos, and here I am, looking like I'm observing an execution, when in fact I am actually enjoying my birthday gathering. And it seems quite strange actually, that appearance wise, nothing has changed that much. I have (Lily Allen was big at the time) the bowl fringe yet again and awful clothes. Bright pink jeans? What was I thinking?! I grew through childhood and early teens trying to fit in. I wore a Reebok hoody throughout year 7 just so I'd fit in with the chavs at school and they wouldn't pick on me. It didn't work... they still grew to hate me. But when I got to around 14 I wanted to be different, the last thing I wanted was to look like everyone else.

School was all about popularity, but those so-called 'popular' people from my year at school are all now either on the dole, stuck in dead-end jobs, or parents to several illegitimate children. It kinda makes me proud in a way that as I grew up I decided against conforming, I thought, hang on, I actually do have a brain and I'm gonna use it. It seems through my life I've always been popular with boys but girls seem to take one look at me and decide they hate me. It's slightly improved as I've gotten older and I have close girl friends, but I still get girls always taking an instant dislike me, and I honestly have no idea why. I always got told 'it's because they're jealous' and in theory they probably are, but there's really not all that much to be jealous of. I'm an average girl with average grades who wears very good make-up, and if the time is taken to know me, I am also a very nice person (if I'm not tired, hungry or hormonal).

Now skip forward another 2 years and here I am at my 18th birthday party with my friend Oli. And notice the big cheesy grin. It wasn't even forced, I was genuinely happy and content. Being away from the social pressures of school, starting college and meeting some, what I believe are, friends for life, really does change a lot of things. Even if I was so drunk this night that i walked out of the toilet with my dress tucked into my Bridget Jones knickers, and pulled, and had the embarrassment of flashing my big 'sexy' pants to a guy, it was fun.

And here I am at Baker Street Station, London in October 2009, waiting for the tube to go to my Fresher's Ball at Pacha. I'd been living in London for around 3 weeks when this photo was taken and it really was the experience of my life. Even though uni life at Westminster didn't work out for me, I have no regrets that I did it. London is just the most amazing city, I miss it so much at times, but in comparison to how much I missed my family and friends while I was there it doesn't win. I've not been back since I left last May but I know I need to, though I am partly scared that I won't wanna come home again if I go back. But I met some amazing people in this amazing city, and going to see them is on the list of my priorities. 

Although the Fresher's Ball itself wasn't brilliant, the highlight of the night was seeing Mutya who used to be in the Sugababes (she was my first celebrity spotting in London, let me off), and I got followed around all night by a 'grinding dancefloor guy', and an Archers and Lemonade cost £8(!), this photo pinpoints a very happy moment of my life. 

This trip of nostalgia has opened my eyes to a lot of things, and that's to not care what you look like or what other people think. The most important thing is to just care about what the people you actually give a shit about think, and just focus on enjoying the moment. Life really is too short.

Awful tragedies happen every single day, to people younger than myself, and it really could be any of us, so just make the most of what you've got. In the words of the great prophet Gary Barlow, things can only get better.

And to end... I can mash potato!